Through the Lens of Time!

 

Recently I stumbled upon my first speech for the Toastmasters Club written twenty five years ago. I was invited to speak at an international conference in January 1996  with an audience of three to four hundred delegates. I had no public speaking experience at that point. Toastmasters was the organization that helps you develop public speaking skills, and that is who I turned to to hone my skills. Here is the text of that first speech:

"My Life, Hopes and Dreams" (Sarah Haider - Nov. 1995)

While getting ready to come to work this morning, I stood in front of the mirror and paused for a moment, I stared in the eyes of the person in the mirror. I could see my life, my hopes and aspirations, and where my dreams had led me over time. I have come a long way, strong in my belief that my dreams would come true, and working to make them a reality.

Being the second of four children, born in a middle-class Pakistani family, my dreams probably were out of context with the realities of my life. My parents gave us the values of honesty, morality, and respect for other human beings, but life for us growing up was a constant struggle for survival. Despite their financial hardships, my parents strove to provide us with the best of education. Growing up I read a story that made a great impact on my thought process.

Myth has it that there was a scholar in Persia who was very poor. He did not have the money to buy himself a pair of shoes, so he would walk to school barefoot through a busy thoroughfare. On his way he used to pass by a wine-maker's shop, and the shopkeeper would often make fun of his plight. He would say, "give me your books, I'll put them in a barrel in my cellar and let them ferment; after a few years you'll get some great tasting wine". 

The scholar ignored his mocking remarks and went on with his pursuit of knowledge. After several years he was recognized for his wisdom and appointed the Chief Advisor to the king of Persia. One day he happened to pass by the same wine shop and stopped to see the owner. He told him, "I put my books in a barrel as you advised and let it all ferment for years..... see what tasty wine I have got?"

When I was in my junior year of college and looking to apply to US schools for my Master's degree, my sister used to tell me that I was chasing wild dreams. There was no way I could afford even the plane ticket, let alone pay for tuition even if I did get admitted. But I went on believing in my dream and got an offer of admission with a fellowship, all expenses paid, from Rice University in Houston. I just never thought it was impossible!

Another thing that played an important role, and proved almost a turning point in my life was a quote that I encountered when I was seventeen:

"Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life"   (Confucius)

Every time I read this quote it made me think of what I wanted to do for a living. I chose to be an engineer because I enjoyed building things and solving problems. I believed in seeking practical solutions and somehow being an engineer seemed to be the logical answer to fulfill this desire.

On the personal front as well, I have been a dreamer!

"The poor man is not he who is without a cent, but he who is without a dream"   (Harry Kemp).

In pursuing my dreams of a happy life, I have come across some harsh experiences as well. I have yet to find someone that I would like to share the rest of my life with: someone who shares my ideas and believes in my dreams. Perhaps I have been playing it too safe here but I cannot afford to take too many risks on this front.

As I look upon the future I want to see myself grow both personally and professionally. In another five years I want to be happily married, have children and have obtained my Professional Engineer license. I would also like to see myself move into a Project Management career path. Toastmasters is my launch pad for achieving the future goals I have set for myself. 

People are an important element in my life. Sharing is a crucial ingredient in my world. It is this spirit of working for the common good that prompted me to participate in teaching Sunday school at the local mosque, organizing community activities, and working with the Society of Women Engineers. 

"Giving and receiving are equal partners, each contributing joys to the human heart"   (Yours Truly)

Giving to others brings the satisfaction of knowing we have helped someone or made them happy. I am always eager to help, who knows that one kindness on my part may change the other person's life. Receiving brings its own joy in knowing that you are loved and someone cares about you to bring you a thoughtful gift or touches your heart with a kind gesture.

I feel I am quite satisfied with my life so far but still have a long way to go. I started off with the dream of making a difference in the world, however humble, and build a fulfilling life for me. I always hoped to get a good education, and wanted a career that I would be able to enjoy. Having achieved that I now want to broaden my horizons, focus on developing the person within to become a more sensitive, productive and a useful member of the community at large. Who knows where my dreams would lead me in another ten years, but right now I need to get real and work to make them come true.

It was fascinating to read this 25 years after I wrote it, and now reflecting on the hopes and dreams I had expressed half a lifetime ago! It is interesting to note that I have remained true to most of what I set out to achieve in life, some things took longer than 5 years, though. My motto in life has always been:

"Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life" (Confucius)

On the professional front, it took me 6 years to get my Professional Engineer license and an MBA and 10 years to get to Project Management as a career. It took me another 10 years to learn that if I wanted such a job, I had to create it, no one was going to give it to me! After a 20 year career in Engineering, Project Management and Management Consulting, I took a sabbatical for life and pivoted to building bridges of the human variety, "Engineering a Cure for Hate". My work in the fields of adoption and foster care, and subsequently in the interfaith domain with the Sisterhood of Salaam Shalom, building bridges of understanding and waging peace, is where I find fulfillment and a strong sense of purpose. Incidentally, the two themes that have emerged in my life's work are faith and children, and building community is the way I serve my mission. 

On the personal front, in the 5 years following this writing, I did get married, but did not have children yet. That was another journey through infertility and adoption spread over the next seven years. Now, my children are 16 and 13, and I have grown step children who are every bit a part of my heart! So, you see, our hopes and dreams, our beliefs and values shape our life, and if we stay true to our mission, we can achieve the most meaningful results, even if the timing varies a bit due to external circumstances.

This is a poem I had written more than 30 years ago which has become the charter for my life, and I am very thankful that God has granted me the courage to make it happen!

IF GOD GIVES ME THE COURAGE

Where thoughts are policed,

Where people are sold

Just think this is the world,

That we live in. 

With hearts full of malice

We meet each other

Where flowers of duplicity

Bloom in abundance.

We lament of misfortune,

And do so frequently,

Incapable of any action

We keep blaming the world.

The shackles of slavery

Enslave our hearts

We fear the world

Suffering a thousand evils. 

I will create a better world

Than the one we have now

Wake others with my message

Of leadership for action.....

I will clear the hearts of jealousy

And sow the seeds of love!

I will change this misfortune

Through my own actions. 

... I will break down

The walls that separate,

With the love in my heart

If God grants me the courage,

I will accomplish the impossible!

Picture Credit: Nazli Chaudhry 

 

Perspective - Coming Full Circle

It is after a while that I am returning to contribute to this blog, and what a major life transformation has occurred in this time frame. I would be dishonest if I did not acknowledge that the previous posts were directed outward, whereas the flavor of this post is more introspective. I have learned quite a few life lessons in the past few years and would like to share some of them here. 

Life is a culmination of experiences and the choices we make, no step of that journey is wasted, although, upon reflection, we learn some valuable lessons on how we could have handled certain situations better than we did. Talk about coming full circle to the point where we started: 

"We must not cease from exploration. And the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we began and to know the place for the first time". ~ T.S. Eliot 

I can honestly say that I have arrived where I began and am seeing the place for the first time! Often we have to look at life with new lenses to see the things we had been unable to see because familiarity obscured them from our view. Over the years we make compromises, and they lead us on paths we would not have followed had we stayed true to our values and principles. It is like being woken from a slumber, a lulling of the consciousness in the interest of keeping peace, in the name of expediency, then coming to the realization that you don't even know that person any more.

'Twas grief enough to think mankind 
All hollow servile insincere 
But worse to trust to my own mind 
And find the same corruption there 
~ Emily Bronte 

So, where do we start, and where do we end: this journey is a function of our conscious resolve to lead life from our core values, to experience the journey with new, mindful eyes, an open spirit and aware soul. Life is beautiful, once we learn to appreciate the bountiful gifts that are ours to claim if we allow ourselves to BE one with God rather that be constrained by the demands and expectations of the lesser beings. The journey to soulful spirituality is an exhilarating experience!

If it is to be, it is up to me!

Throughout my life I have been a person who is compassionate and kind to others but I have not always extended the same courtesy to myself. Over the past 10 years I have come to learn the hard way that:

"If it is to be, it is up to me", The Neal Whitten Group, Inc.

In 2006 I attended a keynote by Neal Whitten at the PMI North America Congress in Seattle, WA. That conference was my birthday gift to myself and it turned out to be a significant episode of SLIDING DOORS for me. I came back from the conference a different person! And I realized that this person and the life that I had been living prior were incompatible. Slowly but surely, I started taking ownership and responsibility for my life and even though I went through a lot of pain and aggravation in the process, I have never needed to regret those necessary stages of growth! Through the struggles with infertility, building a family, divorce, lay offs, I was able to emerge and rise like a Phoenix from the ashes of the past. So this is what it feels like to be a Phoenix, COOL!

My signature work professionally is "From Silos to Enterprise Project Management"! When I shared this presentation with Neal Whitten, he asked me what I wanted to do with it. At the time I did not understand the depth of that question, but now I do;-) I needed to build my life with it, not just write a paper, Mr. Whitten! 

The Circle Of Life

"We must not cease from exploration. And the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we began and to know the place for the first time". ~ T.S. Eliot

Life is a journey to be savored, not a destination to arrive at; the learnings and lessons are in the process, not in the final "treasure to be found at a certain place". The journey of self discovery is the most poignant experience of our lives, if undertaken with sincerity, honesty and openness. We start our lives as babies, helpless and dependent on our parents for the smallest of our needs. As young adults most people struggle with their own identity and seek to establish their own place in life, often vowing to be different from their parents. Although apparently rooted in defiance, it is a healthy sign of independence that spurs us to take responsibility for charting our own course through life. 

Our perspective changes as we mature, and we realize that complete independence only gets us so far, and we learn to be interdependent with others through life. This is when we come full circle and realize that running from our past and heritage does not bring us fulfilment, as we are denying parts of our selves that are inalienable. With maturity and humility comes the desire to discover oneself as an integrated whole, rather than focus on separate pieces of ourselves. We learn to accept and embrace our past, present and future, and recognize that we are at a certain point in life because that is how we have shaped our life to be, both by virtue of our history, and our conscious acts of will.

"There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered." ~ Nelson Mandela

Building Bridges

Walking through the sands of life
One day, I looked back
And was heartened to see
That my footprints
Were not lost in the sand
Who knows when someone
Following in my footsteps
May find their destination
And I may be redeemed. 

Life is like walking through a thick jungle, and often you are looking for light to get to your destination. Sometimes you come to a clearing and get excited that you are getting close to your destination, only to find out, it is a clearing around a body of water. If the body of water is a small puddle, you can jump over it, if it is a pond, you can go around it and continue on your journey through life. If it is a larger body of water, you cannot go around it so easily. When encountered with a raging river you are faced with several choices in your quest to continue your journey:

1. Turn around and go back where you came from,
2. Pace up and down the bank and stay stuck there,
3. Build a house and make a life at the river bank,
4. Swim across against the current,
5. Build a boat or raft to cross the river, or
6. Build a bridge to get across the river!

All of these choices require progressively greater effort, but also yield progressively greater rewards. I choose to build a bridge, so the lessons I have learned through life are not lost. And today I am happy to see that we have been able to help others on a similar journey get to their destinations faster because they don't have to start from scratch and re-invent the wheel! They can benefit from the work of others who have gone before them and left markers and bridges to make their journey easier.