Through the Lens of Time!

 

Recently I stumbled upon my first speech for the Toastmasters Club written twenty five years ago. I was invited to speak at an international conference in January 1996  with an audience of three to four hundred delegates. I had no public speaking experience at that point. Toastmasters was the organization that helps you develop public speaking skills, and that is who I turned to to hone my skills. Here is the text of that first speech:

"My Life, Hopes and Dreams" (Sarah Haider - Nov. 1995)

While getting ready to come to work this morning, I stood in front of the mirror and paused for a moment, I stared in the eyes of the person in the mirror. I could see my life, my hopes and aspirations, and where my dreams had led me over time. I have come a long way, strong in my belief that my dreams would come true, and working to make them a reality.

Being the second of four children, born in a middle-class Pakistani family, my dreams probably were out of context with the realities of my life. My parents gave us the values of honesty, morality, and respect for other human beings, but life for us growing up was a constant struggle for survival. Despite their financial hardships, my parents strove to provide us with the best of education. Growing up I read a story that made a great impact on my thought process.

Myth has it that there was a scholar in Persia who was very poor. He did not have the money to buy himself a pair of shoes, so he would walk to school barefoot through a busy thoroughfare. On his way he used to pass by a wine-maker's shop, and the shopkeeper would often make fun of his plight. He would say, "give me your books, I'll put them in a barrel in my cellar and let them ferment; after a few years you'll get some great tasting wine". 

The scholar ignored his mocking remarks and went on with his pursuit of knowledge. After several years he was recognized for his wisdom and appointed the Chief Advisor to the king of Persia. One day he happened to pass by the same wine shop and stopped to see the owner. He told him, "I put my books in a barrel as you advised and let it all ferment for years..... see what tasty wine I have got?"

When I was in my junior year of college and looking to apply to US schools for my Master's degree, my sister used to tell me that I was chasing wild dreams. There was no way I could afford even the plane ticket, let alone pay for tuition even if I did get admitted. But I went on believing in my dream and got an offer of admission with a fellowship, all expenses paid, from Rice University in Houston. I just never thought it was impossible!

Another thing that played an important role, and proved almost a turning point in my life was a quote that I encountered when I was seventeen:

"Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life"   (Confucius)

Every time I read this quote it made me think of what I wanted to do for a living. I chose to be an engineer because I enjoyed building things and solving problems. I believed in seeking practical solutions and somehow being an engineer seemed to be the logical answer to fulfill this desire.

On the personal front as well, I have been a dreamer!

"The poor man is not he who is without a cent, but he who is without a dream"   (Harry Kemp).

In pursuing my dreams of a happy life, I have come across some harsh experiences as well. I have yet to find someone that I would like to share the rest of my life with: someone who shares my ideas and believes in my dreams. Perhaps I have been playing it too safe here but I cannot afford to take too many risks on this front.

As I look upon the future I want to see myself grow both personally and professionally. In another five years I want to be happily married, have children and have obtained my Professional Engineer license. I would also like to see myself move into a Project Management career path. Toastmasters is my launch pad for achieving the future goals I have set for myself. 

People are an important element in my life. Sharing is a crucial ingredient in my world. It is this spirit of working for the common good that prompted me to participate in teaching Sunday school at the local mosque, organizing community activities, and working with the Society of Women Engineers. 

"Giving and receiving are equal partners, each contributing joys to the human heart"   (Yours Truly)

Giving to others brings the satisfaction of knowing we have helped someone or made them happy. I am always eager to help, who knows that one kindness on my part may change the other person's life. Receiving brings its own joy in knowing that you are loved and someone cares about you to bring you a thoughtful gift or touches your heart with a kind gesture.

I feel I am quite satisfied with my life so far but still have a long way to go. I started off with the dream of making a difference in the world, however humble, and build a fulfilling life for me. I always hoped to get a good education, and wanted a career that I would be able to enjoy. Having achieved that I now want to broaden my horizons, focus on developing the person within to become a more sensitive, productive and a useful member of the community at large. Who knows where my dreams would lead me in another ten years, but right now I need to get real and work to make them come true.

It was fascinating to read this 25 years after I wrote it, and now reflecting on the hopes and dreams I had expressed half a lifetime ago! It is interesting to note that I have remained true to most of what I set out to achieve in life, some things took longer than 5 years, though. My motto in life has always been:

"Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life" (Confucius)

On the professional front, it took me 6 years to get my Professional Engineer license and an MBA and 10 years to get to Project Management as a career. It took me another 10 years to learn that if I wanted such a job, I had to create it, no one was going to give it to me! After a 20 year career in Engineering, Project Management and Management Consulting, I took a sabbatical for life and pivoted to building bridges of the human variety, "Engineering a Cure for Hate". My work in the fields of adoption and foster care, and subsequently in the interfaith domain with the Sisterhood of Salaam Shalom, building bridges of understanding and waging peace, is where I find fulfillment and a strong sense of purpose. Incidentally, the two themes that have emerged in my life's work are faith and children, and building community is the way I serve my mission. 

On the personal front, in the 5 years following this writing, I did get married, but did not have children yet. That was another journey through infertility and adoption spread over the next seven years. Now, my children are 16 and 13, and I have grown step children who are every bit a part of my heart! So, you see, our hopes and dreams, our beliefs and values shape our life, and if we stay true to our mission, we can achieve the most meaningful results, even if the timing varies a bit due to external circumstances.

This is a poem I had written more than 30 years ago which has become the charter for my life, and I am very thankful that God has granted me the courage to make it happen!

IF GOD GIVES ME THE COURAGE

Where thoughts are policed,

Where people are sold

Just think this is the world,

That we live in. 

With hearts full of malice

We meet each other

Where flowers of duplicity

Bloom in abundance.

We lament of misfortune,

And do so frequently,

Incapable of any action

We keep blaming the world.

The shackles of slavery

Enslave our hearts

We fear the world

Suffering a thousand evils. 

I will create a better world

Than the one we have now

Wake others with my message

Of leadership for action.....

I will clear the hearts of jealousy

And sow the seeds of love!

I will change this misfortune

Through my own actions. 

... I will break down

The walls that separate,

With the love in my heart

If God grants me the courage,

I will accomplish the impossible!

Picture Credit: Nazli Chaudhry 

 

Developing a Personal Brand Through Social Networking

Social Networking is a concept which has taken the business world by storm in recent years, although it has always been the way most business gets done in the world! People do business with people they can relate to and trust. 

Check out the attached link for what constitutes social networking:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_networks 

I look at the social network as a constellation, a collection of stars in the galaxy! Every one of us knows a lot of people in their sphere of influence, the value is in "connecting the dots" on their horizon and leveraging them by offering and receiving value for the connection. 

LinkedIn, Facebook, Twitter, and some of the other social networking sites have become the common platform for professionals as well as people from all walks of life, and the primary means for communication in some cases. The concept of personal branding gains even more emphasis when you are talking about professional networking through LinkedIn and similar professional networking sites. It is your resume online, complete with references and recommendations - your digital footprint!

Use of digital media for networking may be a recent phenomenon in the 21st century but networking certainly is not. Connecting with people, developing long-term relationships, servant leadership, and value delivery are concepts that transcend the present time. They have always been the way business gets done around the world. It's not only what you know but who you know that matters~ If anything, they have been brought into sharper focus by the present market conditions, and in a shrinking pool, people stick with people they can trust to deliver!

So, how do you go about building a social network that offers value first? Simply by doing it, one meaningful relationship at a time. Take the time to put yourself in situations that expose you to other people, such as in professional or community organizations working towards a common cause is a good place to start. Volunteering your time and energy for a cause, offering knowledge and value to others, offering a helping hand, guiding someone to build their career, life, and image, listening with empathy, are all good ways of building your personal network as well as brand. "How are you known in the world?" The answer to this question is the key to your networking success, and defines your personal brand.

Creating a Life Worth Living

How do you keep your balance in this day and age of tight budgets, uncertain economy, and ever increasing demands of career and life? By taking responsibility for your life, taking stock of what occupies your time and energy and consciously re-allocating them to the things that matter most, you can create a life truly worth living! It is true that we make time for what is important to us; we have the ability to choose our priorities. Living a balanced and fulfilling life is the result of aligning our priorities with our deepest values and choosing our actions accordingly, rather than merely reacting to what happens to us on a daily basis. It is about drafting a plan of action for life, and then living out that plan according to the guiding principles and objectives that form its foundation.

A lot has been said and written about the importance of managing your time, setting goals and priorities. These are good techniques on how to go about making the best use of your resources, but miss one important ingredient: the WHY of doing them! Life is not a random happening; we are on this earth for a finite amount of time for a reason. A life well lived is one that leaves the world a little better than before. When we are motivated by our deepest values and core beliefs, we are able to take a long-range view of life as a marathon rather than a series of sprints in random directions. By actively defining our values and focusing on the ultimate goal, namely leaving the world a better place, we are able to make small changes that lead to great contributions. Mother Teresa said, “We can do no great things, only small things with great love”.

When you go about the business of living with a desire to create a life that makes a positive difference in the lives of others around you, no step of that journey is wasted! The life plan is our vision of what we want our life to be, what lessons we want to impart to people we have the fortune to teach, how we want to be remembered by the world when we are gone. Living day to day is like driving a car, and your life plan is the road map to get from the point of origin to your destination. When you are going in cruise control on a straight road, you still have to keep your hands on the steering wheel to make sure you stay on the road. If we cannot let go of the steering wheel of a car, how can we let go of the direction of our life? There will inevitably be speed bumps, bends, twists and roadblocks along the way. We will be sure to end up by the wayside if we are not carefully maneuvering our way to stay on course. In life, as in driving, it is important to remember that in order to achieve our overall objective; we have to pay attention to the short-term and immediate needs as a means to an end and not an end in themselves. If you hit a speed bump, or someone cuts you off on the road of life, you should not abandon the course, rather remember the reason you are on the road in the first place and focus your attention on achieving it.

In his book, “Man's Search for Meaning”, Victor Frankl states "Ultimately, man should not ask what the meaning of his life is, but rather must recognize that it is he who is asked. In a word, each man is questioned by life; and he can only answer to life by answering for his own life; to life he can only respond by being responsible." (p.172). Too often we get bogged down with pondering on the purpose of life without realizing that the answer is not an obscure theory, it is a tangible reality that we help shape every day of our lives. Different religions offer their own versions of the purpose of human existence, the glory of God, the service of people, suffering and humility being the most prominent ones. It is important to recognize that your life cannot be a function of something outside of your mind and soul; it has to be at the very core of your heart. By actively shaping your vision of life you create a personal, real and tangible plan upon which you build your life.

In order to create a balanced and fulfilling life, we need to strike a balance among the physical, emotional, mental and spiritual aspects of our lives. Taking care of your health and physical well-being is paramount in leading a positive life. When you take the time to nourish your body and improve your health, you are building your capacity for a fulfilling life. If you want to weather the storms of life safely, you have to make yourself strong enough to withstand the storms! However, too much focus on the physical can lead to unhealthy obsessions about it without realizing that it is not an end in itself, rather a means to an end. The body is the vehicle for the spirit, the person within. The quality of a life is measured in the value of its relationships. Nurturing the relationships in your life is the best investment in your emotional health and well-being. Human beings have an innate need to be heard, and when you make the time to hear someone out, to understand them and empathize with them, you build bonds that last a lifetime and enrich both lives. Acknowledging all of our feelings, accepting our need for social bonding and developing caring and mutually nurturing relationships with our loved ones and the world at large helps us develop a healthy and positive self-image feeding our emotional needs.

The way to continuous personal growth is through learning, stretching and developing our mental capacities. We develop and expand our horizons by reading, sharing, listening and learning. Opening ourselves up to the possibility of growth is an important first step in our mental development; we have the opportunity to learn from experiences large and small if we are willing to look at things in a different perspective. All the personal development can be an exercise in futility if we cannot see a greater purpose to our actions, a cause larger than our self. The essence of spirituality is the pursuit of good beyond our immediate person. When you reach out to help a fellow human being in distress, when you go out of your way to be kind, sympathetic, helpful, and supportive to another human being without thinking “what’s in it for me”, you rise above personal gain for a greater cause. Reaching out beyond yourself to play a positive role in the community creates a spiritual connection and develops bonds with others in the pursuit of a greater goal. This spirit of shared purpose is what nourishes our soul in its spiritual development.

When we develop a conscious awareness of our priorities and develop a “plan of action” for life in line with our values, we are well on our way to creating a life worth living. It is my firm belief that no experience in life is wasted if we absorb the lesson it teaches and use it to mold the rest of our life. Life is a series of experiences that are linked together by the conscious desire to create a larger, more meaningful impact. Like the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle, each piece may not represent anything of significance, but all pieces are vital in creating the greater picture which is unique in its beauty and significance.